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What to Do When You Don’t Want to Date? (How to Be Your Own Partner)
In November, I turned 30. At first, my instinct was to say: Yay! I survived this long. Now, I will get serious about dating. But as I returned to Bumble swiping strangers left and right, I felt disengaged. I didn’t want to make small chat and give strangers my number so they could interrupt my days with texts that would squander my hours. I wanted to focus on work, grad school, and writing projects. And the more I dragged my feet, I thought: Do I really need to date right now?
I had previously tried an intentional no-dating period in the summer of 2019. Only to be detoured by a handsome actor in Manhattan who proved persuasive, offering me kisses, “cute” texts, dinners, and walks along the Hudson. What I hoped could be friendship to start was thwarted by chemistry and temptation. And by autumn, I felt simultaneously swamped by his all-day texts and his lack of availability for real commitment.
As a writer, I value the uninterrupted hours. Ideas take wing in the dreamy moments, meandering walks spent observing, or intentional time set aside. The autumn I was seeing the actor I still hadn’t learned to set better boundaries, so the uninterrupted hours were few. I’d receive “Good morning, Beautiful” texts with a sunrise and “Goodnight” ones with kissy emoji’s and all-day texts in between. Irritated by the…
